Confessions

Ok...Confession time! I don't like to confess, but its needed. I am a 33 year old stay at home Mom, married for 8 years with 3 adorable children. I eat horribly, never exercise and get lazy, tired, ornery and bored. Between dropping kids off at school, making breakfast, lunch and dinner, doing household chores, yard work (during the warm months), helping with homework and church callings there is still time to be bored. I find myself waiting for the dryer to finish so I can hurry and get the next load in. I wait for the dishwasher to finish so I can unload it and start loading it with the dirty dishes. I wait for the clock to tick 5 more minutes so I can get in front of the line at the school to get the kids on time. I then wait in the car for 20 minutes for the school bell to ring. I wait for my husband to get home so we can eat dinner together as a family. Between all the waiting I get bored. I grab a cookie, a chocolate bar, ice cream...whatever it is it gives me something to do.

When I was single, I worked a high stress job at a mortgage company. Mountain Dew was my water. It was the only thing that kept me going. There were days that I got into work by 6 am. Didn't get breakfast. Someone would pickup fast food and drop it off at my desk. I would snack on it for 2 hours then throw it away because I needed more room on my desk. When 5 pm rolled around I kept working cause I didn't have to answer anymore phone calls. All this work with non stop Mountain Dew to make it through the day. Finally I would leave the office at 9 pm. By the time I got home I would eat dinner and go to bed knowing the next day would be the same.

One day it hit me...I was FAT! I was wearing a size 16 in Levi's!! In High School, I never thought I was skinny, but I didn't think I was fat either. I wore a size 12 in Levi's all through High School. At my high school a size 12 was average. I fit in with everyone else. Sure there were the skinny size 0 or 2 girls at the school, but to me they were anorexic. Looked WAY too skinny. I never was self conscious of myself because everyone else was like me!

So the size 16 pant scared me. No wonder I wasn't dating...I was working non stop and gaining weight. The only social life I had was Sunday meetings in a singles ward with Thursday night activities that I never got to go to because I was working ALL THE TIME. Occasionally I would go to a weekend movie with friends from work or church, but that was it.

I decided to do something about it. I started going to a gym right after work when it FINALLY slowed down. I had to be dedicated to go! I was paying a monthly fee to get the fat off, I better use it! I also started to diet with the program you count points on (hint, hint). Well, I never weighed myself and if I did I don't remember what I weighed when i started. Pretty soon the 16's were in the bottom of the drawer and 12's were on top. I felt good about myself. I started dating and I think there was a month where I had a date every weekend and it seemed like all their names were Dave...pretty weird. Good thing I didn't marry a Dave.

Soon my significant other came along and I fell head over heals for that man! It was love at first sight. We were married 2 1/2 months after we first met. I weighed 155 pounds and my size 12 pants were loose. I bought a size 10 wedding dress and looked darn cute in it! I was happy and in love. Everything I wanted out of life at that moment was right in front of me.

4 months after being married, I got pregnant. I was severely dehydrated and was sick, sick, sick. My doctor weighed me in at 169 pounds. I guess when you get married you put on some weight? You have your man so you just let loose. Not a good start to a marriage for me. I was hoping to stay fit for my gorgeous husband. By the end of the pregnancy (39 weeks) I had reached 200 pounds. WHOA!! Not only was this kid sucking the life out of me, he was making me eat food...and lots of it! At my 6 week checkup after having the baby I weighed 172. So the weight went away quickly. I was happy!

Lets just fast forward now. I had 2 more kids. Did the same yo-yo effect. 200 pounds at 39 week check-up and back to 172. So, 172 must be my new number. There I have stayed. Always 5 pounds within that number for the last 3 1/2 years.

I weighed myself on the Monday after New Year's (2011) just to see where I was. I am not a faithful weigh-er! I saw the number 180!! Oh my...all that holiday crap is true..."you gain weight during the holidays." 180...what do I do about 180? Well, its time for a change. I'm done being grumpy, moody, tired, bored and ornery. I'm done carrying around extra weight. I'm done not being able to keep up with my kids. I'M DONE!! It's time to face reality.

Reality to me is I need to be here for my kids and my husband. Everything else will follow. Granted, according to my BMI, I am still considered overweight, but knowing that I am only 20 pounds away from being considered obese makes me sick! I watch The Biggest Loser on TV and see these morbidly obese people and think "what have these people done with their lives?" I tell my husband to never let me get that big! I see the changes that take place in these peoples lives and think "if they can do it weighing 260 pounds, then I certainly can weighing at 180." Most of the contestants at the end of the 12 weeks weigh as much as I do now.

I am "making small changes for big rewards." I am going to watch what I eat. I am going to start exercising again. I am going to set an example for my kids. I am going to lose weight!